D-day minus 46: that’s today. Forty-six days before the first Sunday. Using a countdown for the next forty-six days seems to be more useful that just checking off days on a calendar. Now I marked D-day minus 36, 24, and 12, since I started final preparations on minus 48. Allocating 12 days for each of the four Sundays seemed to be the easiest way to distribute my time. Yet, the monotony is just like the bad news on TV: it’s inevitable. Many times I stop and ask myself after going through the whole bar coverage: “How the hell am I going to remember all this?” Eventually it comes to a point where I have no other choice but to trust in my training. It reminds me of running a steep downhill incline on a bike where one wrong move could mean broken bones or even death. “Trust your bike,” was the advice given to me.
Maybe I need to have a marching hymn – like some obscene rhyme in Full Metal Jacket. Sigh.
BRL: Bar Review Log – the series of journal entries I will be writing as I study for the 2017 bar exam. Call it catharsis or just the need to reflect and recollect – a respite from the laborious studying of the same subjects I have been studying for the past four years.
The other day, 26 June 2017, was my college graduation. The day before that was the university graduation. I had always been cautious about graduation ceremonies in law school. The reason is that it all seems so conditional. The bar exam would be in around four months and that decides in the end whether I will be a lawyer. Yet that cold shroud of indifference had not fully enveloped me then. As the speaker asked the graduates to turn around and face the audience, I caught the smiles of my parents and those were enough reasons for me to be happy.
After the whole ceremony, I could still feel the tenacious clutch of law school on my sleeves. Four years is quite some time and no one leaves Malcolm unscathed. Triumphs, defeats, betrayals, displays of loyalty, integrity, baseness — I have seen all that there. My four years was as much a study of the law as it was a study of human nature and its frailty. Several times I found myself mildly scandalized by the opinions and values I encountered in law school. I eventually realized that it pays to espouse the fashionable opinions of the day which usually consist in abolishing old ways for new ones. That being the case, it follows that references to classical education and philosophy often yielded to rehashed formulations from the activist authors of the day. Cicero, Madison, Plato, anyone?
The image of the desert just dawned on me — how the Israelites wandered around the desert for 40 years looking for the promised land. For me it was the other way around: I left the promised land and was now wandering the desert for 40 years in search of slavery. Ah bon, c’est la vie, n’est-ce pas?
And while I sit here typing a blog that no one will probably read. While I sit, haunted by the phantom of Malcolm Hall, I prepare to begin the long road to the 2017 bar. To begin.